organized mess.

in the next month or so:

another wedding.
school 4 days a week.
work 3 days a week.
caseracer demoing/practice.
caseracer recording.

etc.

welp.

we didn't even make it out of the door. another year without a tour. this is pathetic. am i to blame?
i don't get it. i need to move or something. or clone 3 or 4 of me. that would probably work out best. fuck.

mountain smashers.

By Surprise,
Mountain Smashers

I have been obsessing over this album, quoting it and singing it and hearing it in my sleep. This is By Surprise's first full length and damn, these bearded men with glasses can fucking rock. Seriously, front to back it rules. I'll admit I enjoy the [sometimes] goofy vocals, but the music and instrumentation could stand alone as a rockin' indie record. This band is fond of harmonious chants and fun backups and I can't get enough. The lyrics are creative, superb and personal. Mountain Smashers has a great flow from fast upbeat tunes to mellow jams and musical goodness providing natural body highs throughout.

For most of the record, both guitarists are playing different riffs/leads and I envy that so much. It's hard enough writing one lead, let alone two varying guitar parts for almost every song, for most of the song. Kudos to you duders.

Standout Tracks: Realometer; Mostly Harmless; Last Chance to See; Fountain Splashers; So Long and Thanks For All the Shark Jaws; Hanging Out With Wendy In Sulikland; Direct Loans. PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM.

These guys definitely have talent but maybe more importantly, obvious passion. This is a kickass record.

So get toasty and comfy, put on some nice headphones, and lay down in the dark and enjoy Mountain Smashers by Jersey's own, By Surprise.

rant.

people fighting people doesn't make sense in this book. and i think sports are dumb. might as well burn all my funds. late night surfing washed me upon a sixteen year old giving birth. who wants that? feed the baby to shit out gold. BUT: we are not the world. systems built unknowing to what's also there.

trying to escape more than the day.

looking through your black tunnels
and it's clear now
you're heavier than meets the eye.

maybe these halls have stayed the same
and I'm the one who's changed
but you haven't, my friend.

a blank stare and hollowed-out heart
carved with a dagger and your own two hands

we joked about dark times,
but what are these, my brother?

this room.

these walls
house nineteen years of thoughts.
moments alone.
in content solitude.

a vault of secrets
and i'm the key.

on war.

i think i'm breaking down.

end measured mile.

wave of unrest.

"the wall of fear has collapsed."

Tunisia. Bahrain. Egypt. Libya. Yemen. Syria. Am I missing any? Probably.

Something incredible is happening in the Middle East. "Incredible" may not be the word. Changes of biblical proportions are occurring. Bloodshed is unavoidable, but this is not just another main st. protest. This is historic.

This is monumental. This is unavoidable, unpreventable.

It is not our place to get involved, though we already have.

THIS IS THE SPARK.

Mom told me today that my generation is the last that will have done better than their parents'. Meaning, the vicious circle repeats with my children struggling. It's definitely a scary thing to grasp, but not hard to believe.

Here's to another day.

(anti) anchor.

cut this anchor & let me go.

I'm just confused about everything lately. What school I want to go to; what I actually want to focus on and study and major in. I'm only 21, I have no fucking clue what I want to do the rest of my life. I can't make that decision now. If it were up to me, I'd play music until my fingers bled off and I was piss broke. THEN I'D MAKE A PLAN. at least I would have gotten out of this town and state, met new faces, etc.

and the fucking snow and sleet and rain and slush didn't make me feel any better nor did it comfort me at all today. Who expects this kind of weather after a week where it reached 70+ degrees?!

I haven't felt like this in a long time. and I hate it.

At least I have two new jobs and finally built up the courage to leave the pharmacy. It's a great feeling knowing my (ex)boss needs me, but I cannot come in. SORRY (not). I'm looking forward to my first day at the country club. I'm anticipating rich, white snobs seeing my tattoos and making faces of disgust. and pity. WE'LL SEE.

everywhere is in walking distance if you have the time.

I wish I had the time. and stamina and strength.
and guts.

pharm life.

5 years! i'm grinding down my teeth
refilling this town's sanity.

i'm on the front line of this war.

girl power.

I've been listening to a lot of female-fronted bands lately, thanks to mike.

After seeing them at the Stone Pony, Lemuria has been on my mind and in my headphones. They have some really awesome (instrumental) parts if you listen carefully. Not too shabby.

Slingshot Dakota is another band. With only a keyboardist and a drummer, the duo rocks hard. Honest lyrics and cool progressions.

Hop Along is awesome. The singer is so passionate and she has a great range. The emotions that bleed out from her singing is incomparable and their 11 minute song "Second Voice" displays the band's musical potential.

Check out all these bands.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

dreams about water.

wave after wave. each bigger and taller than the next. i think i've been here before. this exact beach. this exact place. digging for shells in the sand only to be washed away again and again. buried deeper and deeper by the gushing water.

this is the third or fourth dream involving water within the last two weeks. i'm fascinated.

one mllion miles an hour, fast asleep.

things have been good lately. i feel like i'm entering a new phase of life (and with 21 less than a month away), maybe subconsciously that's why. i'm really excited about what the next few months hold for me and people i know. new music is on the way and for the first time in a long time, i am genuinely excited and confident beyond belief (maybe after a few pep talks).

the months have been going fast. unusually fast. for someone who hasn't been at school since december with graduation and all, it feels like forever. oddly, it feels like i went to work more during the school months and finding this second job seems impossible (i'll admit i'm lazy).

i'll look back at this time line and smile.

stumble overload.

kill my compass.

I had a case of musicbrain last night, first time in a while too. the cold draft creeping in through the windows and ice rain didn't help either or my [classic] music ideas coming to me right up to 3am. also one of those instances where I was pretty hungry but either too lazy or too tired to act on it. SO MUCH MUSIC ON MY MIND.

cabin fever!

put on my shoes so you can see how great you really are
i'll dig out your eyes and look at me that way too...

cocaine.

Before going to bed last night I watched a documentary about cocaine. I believe it was the new Drugged series on National Geographic, but don't quote me. It showed real people using in front of the camera and explored the effects on the body with controlled [human] testing.

My eyelids soon grew heavy and they closed shop for the night.

I dreamed of my band, I was there with Derek, Mike and Christian. We had arrived early at a show and I ventured off somewhere, leaving Mike and Christian (Derek was out of the picture). I came back time later to find Mike and Christian "coked up" and fucked up. The vivid image of Christian's cold, beat up face still resonates in my memory (the colors, the facial expressions). I was annoyed and bothered by this, just minutes before we played.

Then our set came. It was a gym setting, dark, with a door behind us to the left (if you were looking at us head on). Derek started strumming the intro chord, as he does. As soon as the full band hits came, shit rang out. The bass and drums were wrong. So we cut and did it again. Worse this time. I can recall this performance so clearly. Fuck it. Mike counted off before we jumped into Every Dog. Mike knew I was irritated, so he purposely fucked up the first beat, simply hitting the snare drum once, then stopping. Looking.

Instinctively, I kicked over his crash cymbal. The stand toppled over and I walked away, removing my guitar from my person. Christian tried to block me from leaving through that back door. He put his hands up, bass hanging, but I just pushed him aside. I walked out and through that door, which hinted at a bright environment once passed its frames.

and the scene ended.